I don’t know how many times you’ve heard the same words as I did “it’s the easy way out” or my favourite “your not fat enough”. What is fat enough? I am type 2 diabetic. I cried walking 100 metres. I didn’t recognise the girl in the mirror anymore. I stopped trying to explain myself and my motivation and became something I’ve never been and that was secretive. I didn’t want or need the negativity. If anyone thinks you have parts of your body taken away because it’s “easy” they have never been in our position.
I kept a diary from I was a little girl. From 15 I was on a diet of some form every single day of my life. I was bulimic for 15 years to try to stay thin. It took almost six years and putting loads of weight on to have myself mentally in a place that I could make an informed decision to do this FOR ME. I’ve been HUGE and I’ve been tiny. Ive starved, binged, been on every diet and diet pill known to man. I’ve been hypnotised and I’ve even had a tummy tuck at 23 when I lost 14 stones in ten months due to pure starvation and exercise. I knew this time I had to get this right. Almost like it was my last chance. The weight was killing me.
I’ve told no one apart from very close family and two friends what I’ve really had done and one of those hasn’t been supportive at all. This has been a massive wake up call in every single way. The uninformed really are ignorant and judgemental. A few more stone off and I’ll be awaiting the “you don’t look like yourself” comments or “you’ve lost too much weight.” My reality is I’m 5 foot two. I’ve still got at least 7.5 stones too go and then I’ve got a life time of keeping it off. For me this was the tool that is going to help me achieve it. It’s neither a quick fix nor a cure all. I’ve got a long way to go but as of today within myself I feel healthy, pain feel and mentally strong.
No, this isn’t for everyone but thanks to the lovely people here I don’t feel I am alone on this path, I’ve never felt judged, just encouraged and for the first time I chat away and tell you all about my struggles, my weight loss and still what I’ve got to go. I have never been this open. It’s almost cathartic for me. I’m not hiding anything on here and that’s helping me to accept my own reality. That it’s ok to be vulnerable and a bit dippy but you’ll laugh with me instead of at me and understand why we are all on this journey together. I knows it’s been the best and only decision that was ever going to give me my life back and maybe in a few years time the opportunity to at least try to have a much longer for baby.
Every one of us has a story that’s brought us to this point. xo